this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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