You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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