Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I understand Curling. That high.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
