So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
