Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
