the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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