i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
