I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
