You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
