so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
