They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
