This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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