Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
