sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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