i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
