It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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