So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
it was like eating out sand paper
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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