Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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