you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
