the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
