i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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