Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Randomize
