first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
