i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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