I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
