Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
