did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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