I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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