Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
