It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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