are you still at the devil's house?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
