Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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