Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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