If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you traded sex for a burrito?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
