Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
