I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
