he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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