found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
