just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
