It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
it's great music for shaving your balls
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
