Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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