bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
do herpes really smell.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
