I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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