i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
