I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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