another moral hangover. fuck.
I have demons in me.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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