I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
