she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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