maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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