I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
