I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
